Hexing Doug

Jasmine and Coral were cousins. Coral came here from the Philippines because she had fallen in love with an American GI and he asked her to marry him. Then she helped Jasmine get a student visa and Jasmine came to stay with them. The GI tried to fuck Jasmine. She turned him down and told Coral. Coral, being hot-tempered, brought up the subject while breaking dishes and windows and the GI threw both ladies out. Three months later Coral was still unmarried, her visa had expired and she was broke.

After hearing her sad story, Doug agreed to let her dance at the club -- provided she gave him fifty dollars and a blowjob at the end of every shift. So Coral worked hard and drank hard and sucked Dougie's dick and soon Jasmine was dancing, too.

One Tuesday, Coral called off sick and Dougie told Jasmine she would have to suck his dick and give him fifty dollars at the end of her shift. Jasmine asked the rest of the dancers in the dressing room if this was standard policy. Six boozy voices chorused, "Oh, hell no!" Which is precisely what Jasmine told Doug at the end of her shift when he tried to collect.

Jasmine came into the dressing room crying. Doug had fired her.

Sweetwater stalked into the dressing room cursing. Doug had fired her for sticking up for Jasmine and for calling him pig jizz.

Coral ran into the club screaming and throwing beer bottles at the wall. Doug had called her sick at home and fired her.

Doug called the police. Everybody left.

But before leaving, Sweetwater and I chanted a hex on Doug in the bathroom. We wrote his name in lipstick and flushed it down the toilet. We focused all of our hatred onto that stained piece of paper.

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Friday night at 8 o'clock the club was slammed. I was working a table full of Mexican nationals and this vaquero was talking dirty to me in Spanish while I shook my nipples 5 inches from his mustache. Jonas and Mike -- the proprietors -- swaggered through the door with their cocky frat boy sneers.

This was extremely odd. I only recognized Jonas and Mike because they had called a mandatory meeting 2 weeks earlier at 10 a.m.on a Sunday morning -- quite sadistic given that half of us worked until 2 am. In this meeting they spent an hour essentially calling us a bunch of slatternly whores and dispensing advice on topics like working out, waxing your sphincter and saying no to drugs. They then reminded us that the club we worked wasn't as nice as their midtown establishment, which we weren't fit to even visit. You can perhaps understand why their sudden appearance caught me off guard.

A couple dancers greeted them, but they ignored them and marched straight back to Doug's office. About a song and a half later, I was shaking my ass for the next vaquero. Jonas and Mike marched a weeping Doug through the club and out the front door. They then spent a minute talking to Wayne, the head bouncer. The handed him a ring of keys and left.

When I finished working the table of Mexican cowboys, I made a beeline for the dressing room. All of the dancers were chattering excitedly and passing around a blunt. Dougie had been fired! Jonas and Mike discovered he had been skimming most of the dancers' house payments. I mused out loud, "I wonder if it was because Sweetwater and I hexed him on Tuesday."

Janine chimed in. "Girl! You hexed him! Jade, Dominique and I put a hex on the dirty chingado last night. He's always trying to make me fuck him and when I said no, he bitched us out for not giving him enough money."

Calico then launched into a dramatic recreation of the black candle/ bathtub hexing ceremony she performed in Doug's honor the previous weekend after he told her she couldn't work after calling in sick twice.

Brandy and Cocoa told us that they had performed a Dougie hexing ceremony with Rachel on Wednesday in his office. They also wrote his name in lipstick, but they soaked the paper in tequila and burned it in an ashtray.

When we went back to the office to give Wayne the house fee, he told us Jonas and Mike had made him the new manager. Wayne was Brandy's boyfriend and he had once been a nude dancer in Vegas. He had a great sense of humor and he always talked to the dancers kindly and respectfully. He promised me that Sweetwater, Jasmine and Coral could come back to work the next day.

Hurray for hexes!!!